I think this is a good time to pull out the old jump to conclusions mat. Why is CheesePimp (that's not his real user name but I wish it was) going to be wearing a backpack on our date / what is in the effing backpack?
- He's a workaholic and so the backpack is full of cheese that he peddles on the streets of Chicago. If this is the case, maybe I can have a dramatic "why do you always choose your work over me!" outburst in the middle of the wine bar.
- He's homeless. The backpack serves as his traveling bedroom. ("In the foster home my hair was my room.")
- Thirty-two year old, probably lonely, man carrying a backpack - obviously he is a terrorist. Just kidding, he's white. Just kidding again, there was the unabomber that one time and he was white. Just kidding, seriously though I'm not racist.
- He's a hipster-type and wears his backpack while riding his fixed gear bike through the city. I'd rather it be 1 - 3.
- The backpack is empty. He will drop it off in a phone booth after he abducts me. You will find the backpack, fill it with unmarked bills and leave it in the men's bathroom at Jamba Juice in order to ensure my safe return. (I don't know if that's funny or if maybe it's just likely enough to be not okay to joke about, oh well)
- The backpack is full of silly bands and (Oprah voice) YOU'RE ALL GETTING ONE!!!!!!
I can't wait to find out if one of those is right or if it turns out to be something different that I don't even know about yet. Had I known this sooner I would have really embraced this backpack thing and worn one myself. But with only a days notice my mom won't have time to fedex my Claire's mini backpack. It's purple, with a brown suede flap. It looked effin bad ass with my mini watch mood ring circa 1996.
But seriously, why the ef is he going to be wearing a backpack? Please weigh in. (If you say something that reasonably explains the backpack I'm going to be upset.)
As a fellow online dater, I FEEL and KNOW your.... pain? I loved your first date "success" story-- I've had a similar experience! You'll find yourself having a LOT of "WTF was that" moments as you make your way through the internet. There is no explanation for the backpack-- just hope for a good laugh! My online dating motto for the past YEAR has been to go in with LOW expectations so I will not be disappointed. Good luck, and I can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteok so here is my guess on the backpack, he is bringing with him a blanket, flame-less candle and a book about wine tasting. this way you can have a 'picnic' inside the wine bar, maybe on the floor near the men's restroom. ok sorry that was gross. wait wait OR (dont get mad), he works late on fridays and is coming straight from work and uses a backpack instead of a briefcase????
ReplyDeletehow else could he introduce you to his pet ferret, mrderr?
ReplyDeleteJBird -- put your hair under a hat and hide behind sunglasses when you enter the bar where you are meeting your date, and prepare to make a hasty exit without being noticed. You know and I know that any man who is 32 years old and is meeting a woman at a bar, at night, while carrying a BACKPACK -- is not going to turn out to be someone you would hang with. As soon as he described that scenario, I would have told him that backpacks and man-purses were DEAL BREAKERS. Something about this date stinks...and it ain't just the cheese I'm talking about!
ReplyDeleteLOL. I want a silly bandz backpack, YO. In the Claire mini bag style - mine was black with a brown "suede" flap. Holler at yo girl. I think in that backpack is Raven Symone and she's gonna pop out being real sassy and funlike, then tell to you wrap the man up in a carpet and put him in a truck. That is all!
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