Internet Date # 2: Why hasn't this guy blinked for the past 45 minutes?

I agreed to meet one of my eSuiters for a drink on Friday night. As Friday afternoon dragged into evening I began to dread the thought of going on another date. On the plus side, I was in much better shape than I was for date #1, aka DribbleDate2010.

The eSuiter I agreed to meet was someone with whom I had exchanged a few e-mails. Based on his photos he seemed to be tall and slim…or chubby depending on which photo you looked at. He had just adopted a shelter dog so that sounded promising. Basically - 27 year old, male, TDB (Tall, dark, and boring - my "type" according to friends).

I arrived at the agreed upon bar and found my way out to the back where my eSuiter was waiting. Aside from his outfit selection, a polo with an abnormally large, maybe 4" long polo insignia, he wasn't too bad. He appeared to be the skinny picture version of himself - hooray! The moment I sat down a terrible feeling came over me as I realized that aside from his first name and the fact that he owns a dog, I couldn't remember any details about him. No worries, I'm in sales, I can wing it. After, "Hey…great to meet you…how was your week?" I had nothing. Enter awkward silence #1. The thrilling conversation that followed went something like this:

eSuiter: So, you sell plastic for a living, what does the plastic you sell go into?
Answer I should have said: One interesting customer I have manufactures synthetic wine corks.
What I actually said: Um..Crocs shoes?
eSuiter: Oh, that's neat. I hate those.
Me: Yea, Crocs pretty much represent everything that's wrong with the world.
(WHAT?)
Me: (Super excited because I just remembered a detail about this person's life) So you're from Pennsylvania, right!?
eSuiter: Yea I am.
Me: Cool, which part?!
eSuiter: Lancaster
Me: (I know three people from PA and they are all from Lancaster, this has to be the luckiest moment of the day - cue name game!) Oh really!? A couple of friends of mine from college are from Lancaster! Do you know Terra, Trixie, or Sammy Simon?!
eSuiter: Nope.
Me: Oh, okay. (crickets). So Lancaster, Amish country huh.
eSuiter: Yea, lot's of buggies. I wasn't raised Amish though.
Me: Haha, didn't think so. (COMPLETELY JOKING) You were probably one of those crazy mennonites right!?
eSuiter: Yea I was raised Mennonite.
Me: (Silence)
eSuiter: Not, like super conservative mennonite; I was allowed to wear jeans.
Me: Oh jeans, sweet, yea. (CHANGE THE SUBJECT QUICKLY) So where did you go to school?
eSuiter: I went to SchoolIveNeverHeardofandCantRemember.
Me: Oh I think I've heard of that.
eSuiter: Yea, it's a small Mennonite school for Mennonites.
Me: Right, right, okay, yea, definitely.
Awkward Silence #14 - Please note that during all of these silences my eSuiter never shifted his eyes away from mine. I'm not even sure if he blinked. This made me very uncomfortable.
Me: So I love this bar, great patio…do you come here a lot?
eSuiter: No, I've never been here.
Me: Oh, okay…
eSuiter: I didn't know where to tell you to meet me so I was sitting in my office and looked down at my softball league t-shirt and it said this bar's name on it so I told you to meet me here.
Me: Oh, of course, cool. So softball?
eSuiter: Yea I don't play anymore. (The tone in which he said this signaled that I should not ask a follow up. However his rec softball career ended, it was not good and I should not ask so I didn't).

I would say that about covers the highs from this date. The low came when I recounted for him the story of my family's cats and how five have died under our care in my lifetime. By the time I got to the tragedy of Miss Kitty chapter of the story, he was still listening which I knew was a bad sign. When the waitress came by and asked us if we'd like another, I quickly told her no and we got the check. While eSuiter was asking the waitress something, the guy at the table behind me (who had noticeably checked me out as I walked in) leaned back in his chair and loudly whipered "Definitely a first date and it's definitely not going well". This gave me a giggle and I began thinking of how I could pull a switcheroo and be on a date with him instead. Too much work, I concluded. I then told eSuiter that I better get going since I had a thing with a person at a place I had to get to. He stood up to leave with me, revealing his pear shaped figure and that was that. He has since texted and called me twice. I'm doing the thing where I just don't answer or respond. I really think it's best this way. Bring on Bachelor # 3!