Spoiler Alert! - Backpack not filled with silly bandz.

Actual backpack.  Photo taken while date used restroom.

I know none of you could sleep all weekend long awaiting the conclusion of this nail biter of a scenario. So, what was in the backpack? Get your pillow and binky ready because this is a snoozer. It was his school bag. He's working on his MBA part time and takes a class every Friday night.

In a normal situation, I'd be very pleased to learn that the person I am on a date with is getting his MBA. And I know he isn't lying because he's carrying the school issued embroidered back pack. But in this twisted version of reality where I have come to thrive off of encounters that are so terrible they can be easily transformed into blog fodder, I was left disappointed. On top of the disappointing contents of the bag, the bag itself wasn't even a real back pack. It was a messenger. Lame.

I met CheesePimp at a cozy wine bar at 9:30 on Friday, we shared a delicious bottle of red, followed by a couple of additional glasses of red, engaged in witty conversation, etc. Fortunate for my readers, I left my first date filter back at my apartment so two glasses of wine in I started laying on a nice helping of sass with a side of uncomfortable honesty. It started innocently enough. Sometimes I make fun of guys I date and they giggle and give it back to me and it's a nice little thing we get going. However, there is a fine line between flirting and attacking with this approach; and I may have danced too close.

Me: So what's the deal with you being on Dating Site #1?
CheesePimp: Well, I just felt like [blah, blah, blah no time to meet girls, blah, blah bar scene blah, blah] and so I've been on it for about nine months and…
Me: (Interrupting) What?! You've been on it for 9 months?!
CheesePimp: Um, well, yea..I mean for periods of that I have taken a much more passive approach, but yea…
Me: Wow. After nine months I feel like you should probably just give up.
CheesePimp: Well okay. Wow. I guess so…
Me: (Thinking that if I take this way too far it will all seem like more of a joke) I mean after a year of trying this with no success I feel like you should probably just kill yourself.
CheesePimp: (His face is saying wtf you whore?!) Yea I guess you're right. At least I have a few more months though right?! Haha…
Me: Yea…lucky for me! (awkward laugh)

So after I suggested suicide as a possible option to end his unsuccessful run at online dating, we moved on to more interesting topics like what a great place Washington DC is. I love DC so this couldn't go badly. CheesePimp talked a little bit about how much the city has changed and improved over the past decade. To show contrast he mentioned the state of the city post 9/11, citing the fact that he was a young 24 (my age) at that time. Uncomfortable with such a serious topic, I followed this up with "Yea, 9/11, wow, I remember they cancelled my JV volleyball game that day, very somber time".

That served as a great opener for the age discussion. He went to undergrad at a school in my home state, but we opted to skip the name game since two full cycles of students separate us. Trying desperately to pull us out of this hole, CheesePimp taught me the "age divided by two plus seven" rule. You take the older partners age, divide it by two and add seven. The resulting number is the lowest age that the person should date. This formula put us in the clear, but definitely didn't put the topic to rest.

All joking aside, the date went okay. He was great and I have a bit of a crush on him. I'm not sure he's super interested. I may have pushed him away just enough. Plus I had gross red wine teeth by the end of the night so that may have sealed my fate. One sort of okay date in and I have now officially turned into an obnoxious, terrible, insecure girl type person. I'm the one chatting with girlfriends about whether I should text "Thanks again, had a great time!" or "Had a great time, thanks again. Have a nice weekend" or "Had a great time! We should do it again". In the same moment, considering at what point if I have not heard from him I will write him off completely while also planning our life together. This is absolutely terrible.

This kind of okay date has made me think. What am I going to write about if I like this person and we start to date? I'm pretty sure that won't be the case with this one, but maybe it is a possibility. No one wants to read about a relatively happy couple, just starting out in their relationship. I guess I will just have to (cue Beastie Boys background music) sabotage (translated: unknowingly ef it up then blame a latent resistance to being in a relationship as the cause).