Lowering my Mandards

If you surveyed a random group of girls on what their man standards are you'd likely hear a lot of the same thing regardless of whether the response was coming from Carrie Underwood or Deelishis (Winner of Flavor of Love; Season 2 - I would hope you all already know that). But based on the number of obese, unemployed, married people in this world, many are obviously forced to ignore these standards in order to avoid dying alone. So do "standards" really hold any meaning or are they just a nice excuse to be used by fugly people when they are asked why they haven't dated in several years?

While I sat on my sofa yesterday watching an I Didn't Know I was Pregnant marathon I began pouring over some of my recent eSuiter messages and really started to question my own standards. Based on the caliber of my current prospects I started thinking, well maybe that 7' tall man wouldn't be so weird. I mean sure, we'd probably have to take special van cabs everywhere but on the bright side it'd be nice to have someone around who can change a light bulb or paint a house without needing a ladder. And if I made him wear sunglasses a lot, raisinette eyes wouldn't be too unattractive…right?

I quickly returned from this dark place and decided that some of my standards (no giants, human sized eyes only, etc.) should never be questioned. On the other hand, I may have to start being a tad flexible in other areas. I have a strict height requirement. I'm 5'7" (translated: 5'6") so anyone I date needs to be at least 5'11", preferably 6'1" and 6'3" and above will be judged on a case by case basis. In the spirit of not judging people based on their physical appearance, I've decided to loosen my height requirement to 5'10". I've also decided that writing "lol" in a message to me will not result in an automatic disqualification. Look at me growing as a person. Fuck yea personal growth.

Don't get too excited, Mom. Just because I'm lowering my standards doesn't mean I'm going to date the air conditioner repair man you've been trying to set me up with for the past three years. I know he's going to take over the family business someday and I agree that repairing air conditioners is nothing to be ashamed of, but I'm really not looking to get involved in a long distance relationship with someone that drives a Ford Econoline. Dad says you held him captive for an hour and a half last time he came to the house and he's worried he's going to have to find a new AC guy since this one thinks he's being hit on by a 54 year old married woman. Please leave him alone. (But maybe don't tell him I'm totally not interested yet. I might be singing a different tune a year or two from now and don't want to limit myself.)

The moral of today's blog post: filler. Yep, I've been really bad and haven't been responding to my eSuiters so I don't have any dates to report on. Don't worry though, I'm active in conversations with two eSuiters right now. One is an attractive attorney who is "not looking for anything permanent, but would like something fun and exciting" (translated: wants to bone). The other is a less attractive importer / exporter / distributor (his name is not Art Vandallay) of cheese, chocolate and olive oil (he had me at cheese). Please vote for your personal favorite on the sidebar. Whichever one wins will be the one that I go on a date with. (Probably not, but vote anyway)

Oh and IDKIWP - spoiler alert - the lady pooped out a baby in the toilet of a KFC bathroom. In every episode.