Some of you may be thinking, "Wait…what? You just started dating this person and you are already bringing him home to meet the parents? Isn't it a little soon for that?" You would be correct. After dating my boyfriend, let's call him Driz, officially for less than two months, he flew across the country to spend part of the Christmas holiday with my family. I have a tendency to fast track relationships to the 'meet the parents' stage a bit prematurely. This, combined with the fact that I'm very fickle has caused a lot of uncomfortable visits. Two situations come to mind immediately…(chimes sound effect signal a flashback memory sequence right…now.)
I had just broken up with Todd, my high school boyfriend who I followed to college in South Carolina (that story is for another time children), and in typical Jbird fashion, I was hot on the trail for my next relationship. Enter Don. Two reasons Don seemed like a good fit at the time. One, he was bff with one of my bff's bfs; double dates at Ruby Tuesday's - YES PLEASE. And two, if I squinted my eyes he looked like a slimmed down version of Todd, who I was still very attracted to. It was nearing the end of spring semester and Don was set to start pharmacy school, four hours away, that next fall. So, having dated casually for several weeks, we made plans to continue our relationship and make long distance work.
A mix tape (cd) exchange, a teary good bye, and I was on the road back to Texas. Within a few days of being apart, Don had purchased a plane ticket to visit me. A plane ticket for a flight FOUR WEEKS AWAY. A lot can happen in four weeks. Enter Hunter. Hunter had a boat. It was the summer time. Teaser for future Hunter stories: when he liked something he would use expressions like, "sweet ass sweet" to describe them. Deciding that suffering through four terribly awkward days of having a boy who I had no interest in staying in my home, would be better than calling him and telling him not to come, he boarded a flight bound for Houston. It's worth mentioning that this was his FIRST TIME ON AN AIRPLANE; he was 21 at the time. I told Hunter I would be busy for a few days and planned a lot of structured activities for Don and I.
The airport greeting included a closed beak Jbird kiss and a presentation of gifts from Don. The gifts included a picture of us inside a frame decorated with mementos from our love story (i.e. a Hootie and the Blowfish concert ticket, a bottle cap from a beer I once drank, etc) and a set of South Carolina coasters. From the airport, I brought him over to my friend Lauren's house to swim and have lunch. Over chicken tacos, he shared with Lauren and I that it's common knowledge that gay men are gay because, "their parents let them play with dolls and stuff when they were little." Oh sweet Jesus I must have been very drunk back at school.
Having no physical attraction to this person, whom I was slowly beginning to believe might be gay, I avoided all contact. Noticing this he said, "I think it's sweet that you are so respectful of your parents that we can't kiss on the lips in their home". Don was really doing most of the work for me by this point. Over those four days we saw three movies, one museum exhibit, two sporting events, and spent all remaining moments in the company of my parents and / or friends who owed me favors. My mother loved him more than all of the suiters that came before him (or since him for that matter). She also had suspicions regarding his sexuality. When recently asked about Don, my father did not recall his existence or his stay at our home.
After dropping him off at the airport I made plans to meet up with Hunter and I never spoke to Don again. It's possible that Don and I are still dating.
Lesson learned…not quite. Two years later, a much wiser Jbird invited anger problem Rick to join her in Texas for Thanksgiving. Stay tuned for that tale as well as the culmination of this series, a Texas Christmas with the Current Future Mr. Jbird.
