I'm not a huge fan of birthdays in general; my own or anyone else's really. It's a nice excuse to drink and eat in excess and I do like that everyone gets an equal opportunity at a birthday celebration (unlike weddings, Quinceaneras and Bat Mitzvahs which are all higher on my shit list) but overall I think they are retarded.
At any rate, I just celebrated my 25th birthday and amidst all the balloons and sobbing, I paused to reflect upon my first 25 years on this planet. I wanted to make a list of 25 positive accomplishments I can claim as a 25 year old. Unfortunately I could only think of 15, so that will have to do. If you all want to help complete this list please feel free.
25 Accomplishments at 25
1. I earned an undergraduate degree from a real college.
2. I am employed (for now)
3. I have a healthy credit score.
4. I have countless (translated: six) friends.
5. I have an ever expanding collection of decorative birds.
6. I have a netflix account AND dvr.
7. I have a pseudo-boy friend (that I did not meet on the internet).
8. I hold Executive Premier status on America's #1 airline network.
9. I'm not pregnant.
10. I'm moderately attractive.
11. I have a superb singing voice.
12. I make awesome paper dolls.
13. I make the funniest Brett Favre penis jokes of any girl I know.
14. My hybrid gets 37 mpg.
15. I'm being told I look exactly like Amy Poehler less and less frequently.
Some of you may be wondering about #7. It's true. My internet dating accounts have been suspended. Wanna know what happens when you have exhausted every dating option available and find yourself alone and scared? You lower the friend zone gates and date the only straight guy best friend still standing. "Oh no JBird, what if it doesn't work out and you mess up your long standing friendship?". To that I say mind your own beeswax betch. So what am I going to write about now? Well, I'm dating my best guy friend who lives in his dad's basement and often can be found lounging in a camo snuggie. I think I'll have something for you. Stay tuned.
